Can't Breathe Without You
by Elizabeth1985
Summary: Set Post 9x13(ish). Cas shows up where Dean is staying and they haven't seen each other in weeks. Dean pulls his friend into a tight embrace, and for the first time, Cas hugs back. Dean falls into a panic attack; can't breathe or comprehend what is happening to him. Cas comforts him and in a split-second everything changes and Dean learns why he couldn't breathe.


**A/N: I know I shouldn't be starting new things when I have three on-going stories but I have been feeling crappy lately and needed something quick to make me feel better. This was meant to be 5 pages. It ended up being like 20. I hope you enjoy it.**

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A knock on the door pulled Dean's eyes away from the TV and he looked around the room with suspicion. Sam wouldn't knock and they weren't expecting anyone.

He pulled the gun from under his pillow and made his way to the door cautiously, staying out of direct shot range.

One look through the peep hole and he placed the gun on the table to the right and opened the door with tangible relief.

Cas looked beat.

"Hello Dean." The sound of his own relief softened his normally rigid greeting and Dean stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his friend. It was so damn good to see him.

Cas, surprisingly, reciprocated and brought his own arms to tightly hold around Dean's waist. The embrace was warm and exactly what he needed. Dean squeezed tighter, resting his chin on Cas' shoulder.

"Missed you, man." He whispered. He reluctantly moved his hands to Cas' shoulders, gripped for a moment and pushed back. The emotion and intimacy of the hug had him clearing his throat and he ambled in a random series of steps until he found himself on the complete other side of the room.

Cas watched him with concern, a deep frown tugging his whole face down.

"Are you okay?" Cas asked, walking all the way over and cornering him by the bathroom door. Dean's eyes shot around the room in a panic and he felt like his lungs were stuck. Christ, it felt like he was having a panic attack!

_Jesus shit... I can't breathe! _

Dean doubled over and threw his head between his knees and started gasping for air.

"Dean – what's wrong?!" Cas' voice was tinged with worry. A healing hand settled on his back but nothing happened.

"I… can't-" _Oh fuck me…_ "I can't… breathe!" He gasped and his vision started turning grey and spotty, and then black. The edges of his sight closed down into a single point.

And then nothing.

When Dean came to, he was lying on his bed with Cas hovering over him. The angel's face only inches away from his own and the look was what Dean imagined scientists had when they were staring down the tiny eye-hole of a microscope.

"What happened?" Cas asked and his warm breathe blew across Dean's face, causing him to blink repeatedly.

"Umm… I think I had a freakin' panic attack." He choked out, surprised and annoyed by his own weakness. He'd seen enough to know it for what it was, but he couldn't remember ever really having one before. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Has that ever happened before?" Cas asked, tuning into his thoughts while the angel brought a finger to his forehead. Dean swiped it away.

"Stop it. I'm fine." He grunted and sat up, pushing Cas out of his space. "And no. I don't think I've ever had one before."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Dean couldn't hold their normal staring competition as he normally could. He was twitchy and shaky, as though he hadn't eaten in days.

"Was it me?" Cas asked in a strangely small voice. Dean lifted his head and took in the reluctant posture of his friend – standing there fiddling with his tie and cautiously avoiding Dean's gaze.

"N—" Dean stopped his answer right as he opened his mouth because honestly, was it Cas? He'd be fine until that hug. G_ood God – What the ever-loving fuck did that mean?!_

"I don't know." He said finally, shrugging in defeat. Something was clearly criss-crossed in his brain.

Cas nodded and came to sit beside him on the bed. Close. Too damn close. Why was this bothering him? Why did he feel the need to bolt out the door?

"You and Sam are on a case, I gather?" Cas leaned over to rest his elbows on his knees and angled left to face Dean.

"Uh. Yeah. How did you know where we were anyway?" Okay, normal conversation was good. His heart was no longer dancing to techno-beats.

"I asked Sam where you were and he gave me this address." The angel replied in his simple factual method.

"Yeah… Uhm. Some guy had his legs ripped off or something. Sam is getting the details now from the witnesses. I was supposed to be heading over to the station but I hadn't gotten around to leaving yet."

Cas let the pretense of the conversation drop, his expression foreboding – or so it seemed to Dean. Cas brought his hand again towards him. Other than a minor flinch, Dean let it rest on his shoulder. His friend squeezed and then stretched the hand across his upper back, rubbing and massaging. And shit it felt so good his damn eyes shut.

Sam had been as cold as a meat freezer towards him the last few weeks and the unexpected care and touch of his best friend gave him a sputter of feeling in his chest that felt foreign.

He wasn't aware he'd listed to the side until he felt Cas' head settle on top of his own and Dean realized he was resting his cheek on Cas' shoulder. Dean thought he should explain but what the hell was he going to say? _I'm needy 'cause Sam is being a dick to me?_ That wasn't who he was. Was it?

"Stop thinking." Cas said firmly. Dean blinked hard, his mouth tightening into a line and he marveled at how friggin' much he cherished how well Cas knew him. Dean always took advantage of their friendship and he really needed to do better. Cas was always there for him, even when the guy made mistakes – his heart was always in the right place. Cas was the only one who never judged him, never questioned whether the things he did was right or wrong. Cas cared for him unconditionally. Dean really needed to appreciate that more.

"Why are you so good to me?" His voice was barely a whisper but he was sure Cas had heard him. He didn't move to see Cas' reaction, he was more worried about the sudden prickle of feeling behind his own eyes.

Cas was silent for half a minute, and Dean started to wonder if he'd heard him at all, but what the angel said next stilled every bodily function he had.

"Because I love you." Heart. Lungs. Breath. Blood flow. All of it. Stopped.

Dean rebooted, so to speak, but when he opened his mouth to pull in a badly needed breath, his throat tightened and… _here we go again on this fucking merry-go-round!_

_What the fuck!?_ His brained shouted and the whole thing was really inconvenient. _Why am I breaking?_ He wondered stupidly.

Cas wrapped both arms around him as he tried to breathe, _again_! The panic was thankfully less the second time around and that helped. Cas squeezed, tightening his ribs hard, and normally it would have been uncomfortable but the restriction strangely helped and Dean sagged into it. His face fell further into the space of Cas' shoulder and he ended up with his nose and mouth smashed against Cas' collar and neck.

He could breathe again. Every one of his senses was now bombarded with the angel. The clean outside smell, his warm body next to Dean's, the sound of the angel swallowing loud in his ears, and of course his vision was restricted to the view of Cas' chest, crotch and the top of his thighs. The only sense left out of the equation was taste.

"I don't know how I feel about that statement sending you into a panic." Cas spoke uneasily, interrupting the strange tangle of his thoughts and Dean almost laughed. A weight lifted inside of him and he had a moment of hoping that Sam wouldn't come back anytime soon. What a weird thing to hope.

"Sorry… I … _fuck_. Cas, I don't know what's wrong with me." Dean refused to move, but he was starting to feel creepy. Cas was quietly holding him, and he was fucking nuzzling into the guy. This shit wasn't normal.

"Well I have my suspicions but saying it aloud will only make you flee through the door knowing your aversion to what you call 'the touchy-feely crap'." Cas mocked him, but a touch of a hand on the back of his neck destroyed any offense he might have taken.

_Would it be weird if I fell asleep right now?_ Dean thought in a bizarre notion. It was all warm and soft and relaxing and… _Dude – what the hell are you thinking!?_

His eyes spread wide at that, because, c'mon now? _THAT _was some weird shit.

"Is this weird?" Dean blurted in an uncertain tight voice.

"Rare? Yes. Correction: never happened before? Yes. But _weird_? Not at all. In fact, I find it quite soothing." Cas replied sounding entirely pleased. The words were so rational, as though finding comfort with a friend like this was normal or something. And then, wonder of wonders, Dean clued in. Oh right… cause it was. Normal people _actually _did this.

"Huhn." He pursed his lips in understanding, interest and intrigue. Light-bulb City, idiot. Hugs feel good, dumbass.

Well, okay _that_ he did know, but this wasn't a hug. Hugs had a time limit. Hugs didn't feel quite this good.

"You know this isn't normal, right?" He peered up to see his friend but all he got was chin and stubble, and the bob of Cas' Adam's apple as he swallowed again.

"I'm aware." Was the only answer Dean got.

"And?"

"And what, Dean?" Cas was annoyed with him now, and the angel pulled on Dean's hair – an 'OW' of protest jumped out of his mouth but Cas kept pulling until he was forced to lift his head and meet the angel's eyes.

"And…" Dean shrugged. _I don't know._

Cas sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes with such intensity it was a wonder they didn't round on themselves and slide up from the bottom.

"Sometimes you infuriate me." Cas glared at him and dropped his arms to hold Dean by the shoulders.

"Dean, how long have we known each other?" He asked, the tight clip of his voice prickled with impatience.

"Umm… years." Dean replied.

"Exactly." Cas stared at him and waited. The burn in his blue eyes was searing right though Dean and his brain scrambled to put together a coherent thought. He was vaguely aware Cas expected him to say something. Hell, it looked like Cas was waiting for the epiphany of epiphany's!

Time held stagnant under the angel's hard glare and everything became hyper 3D, Blu-Ray clear. The grip of Cas' hands on his shoulders, the HD vision of Cas' face – every chapped line on his lips, every curve near his eyes, every fucking lash. Dean's heart hammered so friggin' hard he pictured it bursting through his chest any moment in a bloody freakshow, and then his vision slipped.

His eyes fell to Cas' lips and he stared in a perverse sort of fascination, they parted slightly. Cas let him watch. Then his green eyes dropped lower, chest, stomach, thighs.

Dean felt himself harden with each passing second; blood rushing like a fire-hose straight into his dick and …

"Oh.." Tripped out of his mouth. Somewhere he knew this shouldn't be a surprise. There had been clues. God, so many clues, and he thought about every one of them and remembered brushing them off as something else, feigning innocence to himself. Denial, terror maybe? "D" All of the above?

His body wanted one thing immediately. It was excited at Dean's personal admission. His dick was practically leaping and overjoyed, jerking lightly every so often in his pants and he was pretty sure Cas could tell.

Speaking of, the angel merely sat there, letting Dean come to terms with… his feelings.

"I'm an asshole!" He yelled suddenly, springing off the bed to stand. So pissed at himself for being so fucking stupid.

"You're not an asshole, you just ignored it." Cas defended him, as always, and that only pissed him off more.

"Don't do that. Don't defend me. You always just accept all the shit I do wrong. Even to you!" He threw his arms up in a fluster.

"What the hell, Cas?" He rubbed hard at his face. When he dropped his hands, Cas was right in front of him.

"I'm past the point of wanting to talk about it." Cas stated and the look he gave Dean was absolute. Consuming and utterly arousing. Looking down, he wasn't surprised to see a spot of wetness had showed up on his jeans. Poor guy in there was leaking with enthusiasm.

"So.. uhh… what _do_ you want to do about it?" Dean knew what asking that question meant. He felt like a masochist.

"You, Dean. I want to do you." Cas took charge and hands settled on Dean's waist and Cas leaned in, brushing their cheeks together as he slid down Dean's neck and then licked him!

_Fuuuckkk!_

"Umm… oh crap… umm… I… oh, fuck." He blabbered as Cas started kissing him and it was all so fast his brain hadn't caught up, but his cock jutting out between them was hella on board.

Cas sighed and gave him shivers. "Dean, I love you and I know this is not a surprise to you." More kissing. "And though I know you won't say it, I know you feel the same way." Kissing and an acid drip into his stomach 'cause that hurt. It was true, but it hurt all the same. Dean swallowed that painful lump down.

Cas was licking up the front of his neck now in slow patterns, it was fucking glorious how good it felt. "We've never really been physically close before." Jaw nip… _mmm_...

"And I think…" Kiss on the cheek. "_That_ was why you panicked." Cas held still, meeting his eyes finally.

Dean could see everything in that one look. The desperate need for more, the restraint built over the years, and the open acceptance of everything that Dean was all rolled up into a perfect angel package.

Cas was right. That first hug had been the only real lingering physical contact they'd really ever had, and it shot something off inside his heart and for the first time he couldn't brush it off, couldn't ignore it the way he maybe once would have been able to.

Dean felt his eyes grow hot, his mouth filled with saliva and he swallowed thick. Dean brought his hand slowly up to frame the side of Cas' face, and relief flooded in the angel's expression and Dean felt every weight on him snap free. All the carefully built walls and anchors were breaking and he could move again.

His other hand came up and he braced the angel's face for his impact, dropping his lips in desperation and consuming the taste of Cas' lips and mouth. Cas' gasped as Dean closed his mouth over and it was so damn perfect, his pushed his tongue inside and groaned loud and sagged like a man getting the first touch of water after days trapped in a desert. His weight would have slid to the floor if Cas hadn't wound his arms around Dean's body and pulled him in tight. Dean tripped and fell forward as he tried to get closer, tighter.

They tumbled against the night stand between the beds, Cas falling down onto it and Dean wasn't about to let that stop him. He just crowded right over and kept a hard grip on Cas with an unstoppable fervent flurry of sucking and licking and hormonally jabbing his tongue into the angel's mouth like a damn teenager. He would curse himself later for throwing any skills out the window.

He could hardly think or stand, using any amount of skill in this kiss was impossible. It was with _sensible_ desperation that he managed not to bite.

Cas was moaning in a rough tickle of sound between them and it was rumbling against Dean's chest. He humped his hips forward at an awkward angle with Cas still splayed across the nightstand and Dean managed to rub himself partly against the angel's thigh, and partly against the nightstand… which did not feel good at all.

Dean tried to resist when he felt Cas pushing against him, a groaning whine flooded the angel's mouth. Dean unhappily found himself panting like a racehorse over Cas, whose arms were up on the front of Dean's shoulders, holding him at bay.

"Dean…" Cas breathed heavy and blinked. Cas opened his mouth to speak again but it didn't look as though he could. He gave up and using the hands braced on Dean's shoulders, tossed him onto the bed to Dean's left.

Cas was on him just as his back hit the mattress. A knee forcefully shoved Dean's leg up on one side.

"-oly fuck'mm!" Gibberish was all Dean was capable of as Cas dropped in midthrust over Dean's spread legs and the action brought their erections riding against each other. Dean's head pushed back into the edge of the pillow and his hands surged up to grip and pull at Cas' hair.

"So fucking weird… _awesome_… but weird!" He rambled as Cas was all over him, everywhere at the same time.

Cas fucked against him through their clothes and it felt so good at first, but the friction soon became chaffing.

"Off." Cas looked perplexed by the command, rearing up and looking down at him in worry.

"Not you! Clothes… fuck Cas clothes!" He yelled and they started ripping through the layers. Occasionally helping the other who got tangled, or taking over for themselves out of impatience.

Clothes went flying everywhere and Dean was pretty sure they both still had their socks on but Cas dropped onto his body in a flush movement, and Dean wouldn't have given two shits if he'd been wearing fucking stiletto's!

"OH _my_ GOD!" He shouted as Cas' dick slid against his and he rutted up into Cas' hips in crazy need.

"What…" Cas breathed, licking at his throat, "do… you…" nibble, hard suck and Dean's nipples drew tight, "_want_?" Final word accentuated by a grind that had Dean clawing into Cas' back.

Dean torqued Cas' head to get access to his throat, wanting to taste him. Taste every inch of his skin. Would the skin of his neck taste different than the soft skin of his cock? _Oh jesus fuck, I wonder what his cock tastes like? I bet it tastes friggin' delicious._

"Dean." The name was moaned into his ear and Dean remembered that he was supposed to answer something.

He hummed and spread open-mouthed kisses over every warm piece of skin his mouth could get to.

"Was that noise supposed to be an answer?" Cas grunted the words as he continued to grind against him, skin on skin. Sweat slicking up all over him in a flush. And shit, if the room hadn't gotten ten degrees warmer.

"I don't c—ahhh! ca_r_e." Dean's voice faltered by Cas biting hard into the base of his neck. His body jolted in a violent shiver of pleasure.

"Ohhh Christ, do that again." Cas obliged and he shivered again, and hummed in delight.

"Don't call me Christ." The angel reprimanded him, humping and biting in the same brain-smashing motion.

"Huh, what?" Dean asked, not really aware of what the fuck they were even talking about. How were they even having a conversation? This was the weirdest, albeit hottest, experience of his life.

"Just say my name." The words, unbeknownst to Cas, came across as a dirty command in Dean's ears and he sported the first grin of the evening. Evening? _What time was it? Who fuckin' cares?!_

Dean reached down with bold firm hands and grabbed onto Cas' ass and held tight as Dean crashed their cocks together as hard as he could, "Caasss!" He shouted in a deep voice as the ache of the hard touch shot straight up his shaft and it pulsed with even more blood.

"Let's fuck." He blurted, horny and desperate. "Like now. Like whatever way you want." He flailed his arms and hands around and Cas laughed, gazing down at him.

Dean laughed too and the sensation felt strange and foreign. Everything stuttered to a halt in a weird moment of recognition for what was actually happing.

"Any reservations?" Cas asked with a grin, looking much too calm for Dean's liking. Dean wanted him to be a sweaty, screaming, incoherent mess of skin and warmth all there for the taking.

"None whatsoever." Dean was sure. His heart, his body, his dick, his brain, and his friggin' curling toes were all in this. He wasn't stupid, he would freak the fuck out later because he knew he was the worst case of bad luck this world had, but Cas loved him – had _always_ loved him. And Dean … Dean, fuck…

_I love you too…._ He knew Cas couldn't hear him but he badly hoped Cas could see it in his eyes.

The urgency of before settled into something else. Something more comfortable but still soaked with anticipation – except now it was heady and matured like an aged whiskey. Cas held his stare as he lowered down, eyes growing dark as the inches diminished between them. Cas parted Dean's mouth with his own lips and the angel blinked slow once as he slid his tongue slowly into Dean's mouth. The movement was downright sinful and Dean wondered if Cas knew had good he was.

Cas started rocking them slowly on the bed, kissing in languid drops of his tongue – sliding and wet in his mouth. Dean felt his ass clench and the sensation was unmistakable want. _Huh? Well… Okay._

"I want you… I guess." Dean said between kisses, essentially breathing the words right into Cas' mouth.

Cas moaned hard and loud, the timbre of sound was practically sex on a plate, sprinkled with more sex. And Dean automatically spread his legs in response and opened his mouth wider. _Well, aren't I easy?_

"Umm.. Dean?" Cas said pulling back from him, eyes closed in pleasure still.

"Yeah?"

Cas opened his eyes and looked at him expectantly. "What?" Dean asked, impatient.

As a response, Cas nudged the blunt head of himself against Dean's hole and the dry pressure felt weirdly fantastic.

But point proven. "Right.. ahh – grab my bag." Cas moved to get off and Dean sat up and threw his arms around Cas' neck and kissed him mindlessly. Not really satisfied, but it would have to do, he fell back onto the bed with a _thump_, all the air rushing out from behind him. Cas rubbed Dean's thighs, eyes hungry and roaming across his body. The blue stare fixated at his groin and Dean couldn't help but smile. He watched as Cas timidly brought his hand closer and when the warm weight enclosed him he almost came right then and there; his cock twitching threateningly.

Cas was fascinated and started stroking slow and tight. Perfect pressure. It was too good, way too good and Dean started saying the Pledge of Allegiance in his head, only to be reminded that he didn't know it and he was back to square one and ready to blow his load prematurely.

"Ok get the stuff…" He said with one last thrust into the hand before it was gone and he sagged back onto the bed, taking deep breaths.

Cas rummaged through the bag and pulled out a small tub of Vaseline, and turned it around in his hands curiously. "Why do you have this?" Cas asked walking back over to the bed but Dean didn't answer, instead mesmerized by the sight of all that skin and erect cock bouncing out in front of him as he moved.

"Hmm, what? You say something?" Dean said licking his lips and openly ogling.

"You're surprisingly rapacious." Cas studied him and shook the tub in his face.

"Oh, right. Sam and I hunted a Wendigo a while back and he burned me by accident." Dean tried to see everything at the same time as Cas got back onto the bed with his knees, angling up right into the V of Dean's open body.

Cas placed the jar off to the side but still on the bed and he placed his hands on Dean's thighs, long fingers rubbing into the muscle and Cas' mouth dropped over Dean's stomach, the angel's back arching beautifully in front of him.

A wet kiss seared the warm skin of his stomach, the air cooling the trail of saliva as Cas moved onto new territory. Dean watched, entranced as the dark mess of hair moved around his body and tasted it.

Dean cradled his face, rubbed his ear, and spread his fingers into the messy crop of hair. His other hand joined the party and Dean continued to caress his angel. _Powers or not, babe, you're mine. My angel. Always have been._

Dean pulled up to stop Cas' hot mouth and the angel slid up his body and landed into a kiss. Everything tangled; arms, fingers, and legs and Dean started moaning and breathing harder as he thought about what it would feel like to have Cas inside of him. Moving and thrusting literally inside his body. He ached for it, wanting to feel it deep.

"You know I do, right?" He said suddenly, slipping away from Cas' mouth in a slick slide of lips.

Cas' features softened, those blue eyes glazing over in happiness. And the worst part was that Dean hadn't even actually said the words.

Cas brushed a damp palm from his forehead and back, as though pushing away errant hair. He kissed Dean in a sweet touch of lips. "I know."

Cas kissed him slow and Dean could tell by the subtle jerking of his body that Cas was using one hand to reach out and get the jar, get the lid off and get some on his fingers. Dean didn't bother helping, he was enjoying the kiss way too much.

Cas shifted to one side, supporting himself with an elbow and pulled Dean's hair lightly to get his attention. Dean nodded and he felt Cas move a hand between his legs. Dean had a moment of panic akin to someone pushing him under water before he'd been able to take a breath first, but then Cas' finger teased him first, nothing too crazy.

A graze of the pad of his finger over his hole. Rubbing and pushing. The slickness getting all over the damn place. Blankets were going to be ruined, Dean thought erratically. Cas pressed in with the tip of his finger and Dean fixed his eyes on Cas' face, reading him. Cas was looking down, his eyelashes fluttering against the top of his cheek as he blinked at the sight of his finger sinking and disappearing inside of Dean.

Dean's brained fogged over as Cas started fingering him. _Wow, that was awesome… who knew?!_ A second finger and he abruptly sat up and gripped Cas' shoulder for a second before falling back down. "No, keep going, I'm good… just umm… ahhhhh…." Sentence deserted as Cas started scissoring his fingers and Dean may have cursed or said potato – he had no idea.

"Fuuuckk.." He trembled as Cas slipped in a third and it was fucking hot and hypnotic all at the same time. There was subtle tinge of discomfort each time Cas pulled back but then a surge of wanton pleasure every time he ploughed forward and Dean envied women in that moment.

"I want to feel you…" He whispered the words, his voice was unsteady and the desperation in it was a shock to him. "God, Cas, I need to feel you inside me."

Cas blew out a breath in nervous jitters and slipped his fingers out slowly, taking a moment to slick himself up. Cas' movements seemed to drag in slow motion and everything became so loud, it seemed, as the angel settled on top of Dean. Knees were pushed back towards his shoulders, his heart thundered in his chest, and Cas pressed their foreheads together as he shifted his hips until he was lined up. The head of his cock felt so blunt and hot against him and Dean shook in a moment of alarm, the first push and he sucked in a breath on a hiss.

Cas had always overwhelmed him, even in the very beginning, and now Dean was about to be consumed by everything Cas. Dean was okay with that. If only a little terrified.

Cas stared at him as he slid deeper, stretching him and Dean wanted to cry from how good it felt. Not only the physical part – which of course was mind-numbingly awesome, but the pure basic awareness of Cas inserting himself inside Dean's body was very nearly too much too handle in that moment.

"Nothing has ever felt this good for me." Dean voiced honestly as Cas shook on top of him, in him, finally getting as far in as he could go. The connection between them hot and tight.

"I haven't even touched you." Cas chuckled, the light brush of his breath filtering into Dean's mouth.

"I know. Crazy, right?" He said and then dazed momentarily as Cas pulled back and moved forward for the first time.

"It's because you love me…." Cas whispered in kisses against his ear.

"Hmmm…. Yeah." _I do._

"Let me show you how much I love you." Cas words would have been insurmountably corny if not for the delicious movement of his cock starting to ride back and forth inside of him, drawing out a moan, and then a twisted groan that turned into a cry.

Dean held on around Cas' body and lifted his legs around Cas' waist, his ankles crossing and his heels pressing into Cas' ass. Cas braced himself on one elbow and one arm and lost himself in the moment. Cas pushed in and out in wild movements and Dean shook with every full thrust, feeling his ass come flush against Cas' hips and thighs. Dean liked it deep, he realized, it felt so complete - puzzle pieces slotting together perfectly to make the picture whole.

When Cas started angling in such a way that it hit that ultra-sensitive spot inside, Dean cried out and had to grip the headboard to hold on. No idea why he needed to hold on, it wasn't like he was going anywhere. But Cas' thrusts got harder and it started pushing them up on the bed. Dean pushed back against the headboard and used his legs as leverage to thrust up, meeting the force of the angel's movements.

"Deannn!" Cas yelled as he brought one hand onto Dean's shoulder and literally used the hold to push Dean's body down onto himself over and over again. Dean felt mad and bordering delirium as Cas continued to fuck into him with insatiable hunger. The ache was becoming near painful and Dean knew he was close - seconds away from spilling over the edge.

"Cas, babe… touch me!" He was so close, but he needed to feel Cas on him, in him, everywhere as he let go.

Cas let go of his shoulder, shifted his weight and brushed his knuckles lightly over Dean's cock before wrapping his fingers around him.

OH fuck, so good. _So good!_ "Ahhh-hh!" Dean stumbled out a rippling breath and his body started pulling tight and he felt himself tighten down around Cas' inside him. _Oh jesus,_ that cock felt hard as iron inside him, hot and wide, and Dean never expected how fucking breathtaking it would be.

They both strained with their impending orgasm, Cas' movements stilled and his body pulled tight over Dean, his face contorted into a pained expression - so close to the edge. Dean had never seen anything that hot before, those thick wet lips parting open, his eyes cinching shut, his muscles bunching hard under his skin. Dark hair sweaty and sticking out all over the place.

Dean's orgasm slammed into him like a wrecking ball hammering through a condemned building; it ripped through him in violent shockwaves so hard and fierce that he was only vaguely aware of Cas starting to come inside of him.

His eyes fluttered fast and erratic, his body tight and jerking with each spurt of release that shot out of him with enough force that he felt some hit his neck and cheek.

He rode out the waves of opium dopey pleasure, squeezing around Cas still in him as each shudder swelled through his groin. Each surge got farther and farther apart as he came back down from the hardest orgasm he'd ever had.

He pulled out of the abyss of gratification and focused on Cas above him, who was peering down at Dean with heavy-lidded eyes and a goofy grin. The angel was stoned on sex drugs and it was the most adorable sight.

Dean saw it coming as Cas started tumbling forward to land on him fully and he opened his mouth to protest but it was too late as the heavy weight crashed onto him.

"Ugghh…" _Gross_. Cas' collapsing on him had squiged all the come between them in a messy sticky spread.

Cas had slipped out and Dean could feel his release seeping out of him and it was not exactly a pleasant feeling but he was more bothered by what he felt on his stomach, chest, and neck. Basically everywhere.

"Cas we need to shower. _Bad._" He shook his body to get Cas' attention but all he got back was a lazy murmur of noise.

"Babe… this is gross." He said.

"Hmm… I like that. '_Babe'_." Cas' voice was muffled by the pillow near his head and Dean heard him huff a sigh and he turned to face Dean's neck.

"Well that's all you're getting, I don't do any other pet names." Dean explained, trailing fingers down Cas' spine, amazed he'd even started calling Cas babe in the first place. It just sort of happened, and it seemed to feel right. Like it fit.

Cas murmured happy, simple noises and started licking his neck… No wait… Cas was definitely licking him clean.

"You're disgusting." Dean said with an amused smirk. Cas bit him in playful response.

"Ow!" Cas laughed and then pushed up and off him with his arms, he looked wobbly as he lifted his knees to drop them in a straddle on either side of Dean.

"Whoa!" Cas' eyes rolled around in a dizzy motion.

"Sex is drugs, man. Never forget that." Dean smiled and rubbed his fingers around Cas' knees digging into the bed beside his hips.

Cas nodded off kilter in agreement and leaned down to lick the come on his stomach, Dean smiled and shook his head, not sure whether he thought it was weird or enjoyable. Girls just didn't do that. Sure, some swallowed, but none of them had ever lapped up after.

Cas lifted his head and gave him a downright naughty grin as he stretched his tongue out to dip into Dean's navel and get more.

"Oh God, you're weird. I, _maybe,_ kinda like it though." Dean's words were emphasized by the subtle twitch of his semi-erection.

Dean lightly humped up into Cas' body in an impatient action, "shower!" he whined. Cas smiled and finally moved off of him.

It took longer than it should have to get into the bathroom. They stopped along the way to touch each other in soft brushes of fingers, sometimes teasing and exploratory.

When Dean bent forward to turn the dials, Cas came up behind him, positioning his partial hard-on right between his ass cheeks causing Dean to phase-out and crank the hot water thereby burning the hand that had been under the spray. "_Jesus_! Don't distract me" He scolded and Cas only laughed and no-fucking-shit _slapped_ his ass.

Dean stilled and his eyes flew open wide because that was the most unexpected thing to happen so far. Including the sex. _And_ the _LOVE_ talk, and all that other crap.

"Did you just slap my ass?" He asked incredulously.

Cas did it again in response, a sharp quick sound bounced off the tiled walls, and Dean felt the hot tingle of his hand like it was still there.

"Uhh…" His cock was now hard and touching the shower curtain, having gained two inches in the span of thirty seconds.

"Get in the shower, Dean." Cas demanded, pulling the curtain and pushing him over the edge of the tub into the small space. Dean immediately rubbed the water over him and got rid of most of the stickiness. He reached for the soap as Cas reached for him and things got slippery.

Dean tried to wash himself as Cas kept sliding soapy hands and fingers all over him and it was crazy distracting.

"I think you washed there already." Cas teased and Dean simply glared at him.

"Think you're so good, huh?" Dean challenged, putting the soap on it's ledge and crowding into Cas' space, getting nice and close.

Cas quirked his eyebrows in a smug gesture and Dean had enough of that. He manhandled Cas into switching places, putting Cas facing the wall with the controls, his head dipped under the hot spray of water and Dean behind him.

Dean ran a wet hand over Cas' back. Cas looked at him over his shoulder – a teasing almost smile – and Dean leaned forward and started kissing his back, the skin wet and dripping into his mouth. He could taste the warm shower water and the subtle briny flavour of Cas' skin underneath. His licked and sucked down his spine while holding onto the outside of Cas' hips.

Cas had his head hinged forward, swaying from the base of his neck, the water pounding over the dark hair making it look sharply black and shiny.

The water fell in large rivulets down his back, and Dean would occasionally get a mouthful of water but he didn't care.

He was almost squatted now behind Cas, and dipped his tongue into the top crease between his cheeks at the very base of his spine and he felt Cas tremble slightly from the touch. One hand fell down under his ass and slid between Cas' legs. He tugged and played with Cas' sac, feeling it tighten and move under his touch.

Dean peered around, as he brought his other hand to slide to the front and touch Cas. The sight up from his vantage point was porno-hot. Cas had one hand braced on the wet blue tiles, the other was slotting wetly through his own hair, and the water ran over his head and poured from his face. Those beautiful features all twisted in pleasure, mouth hanging open as the water slipped in quick drops from his bottom lip.

Cas' lip trembled when Dean palmed and circled around Cas' thick blood-filled head. It was straining and hard and felt good in his hand – all hot and soft to the touch.

Dean stroked in light movements, focusing on the head, letting a finger touch along the crease and slide down the underside and give a quick tug before sliding back up, the water making his movements slide with little effort.

Dean wanted to watch him lose control, tear him apart at the seams and wither into a gooey mess of sated pleasure. He wet a finger with his mouth and slid it between the smooth cheeks of Cas' ass. He kept stroking in front and started teasing from the back, slipping a wet finger lightly over his hole, and he could tell Cas was tensing up so he started kissing and lightly biting one ass cheek, earning a thick moan that echoed in the confines of the shower.

The water pounded down around them, occasionally rushing over his ears and drowning out the details of sound.

Dean pushed his finger in with no warning and Cas' right knee buckled but he recovered quick, a low groan falling out of his mouth, and a breathy, "_Dean_," spoken through heavy lust.

Cas was clutching the wall with one hand and pulling at his own wet black hair with the other, Dean increased his tempo getting lost in the picture of it all and soon his finger and his fist were moving in counter thrusts. Everything was wet and muffled, Cas voice getting louder and louder as he his moans stopped being separate singular sounds and instead an endless stream of keening breath, deep throaty noises, or sharp hisses as he sucked in humid air.

Dean gently slipped in a second finger, water falling over his eyes as he cringed for a moment hoping it didn't hurt, but Cas bucked back against him with a hot grunt and Dean stood up lithely to hold Cas in place as he brought him over the edge.

Dean positioned himself at Cas back, his head turned at the perfect angle to see almost everything. One hand in front stroking, tighter and faster as Cas' hips rocked in motion. Dean's right hand low down in front of himself, fingering two fingers into Cas' hole, the water slipping down and making the most obscene noises but God if it didn't turn him on so bad he ached for friction to the point of severe discomfort but he ignored it because watching Cas come apart for him was the most important thing in the world right now.

Dean slowed his movements to a frustrating, lingering pace and Cas whimpered in ache, saying please please please over and over again but Dean knew to ride him out like this, knowing what it would feel like. He curved his fingers inside, pressing into the velvet walls and sinfully felt him up as he stroked in feather light touches over the head of Cas' rigid cock, dripping with precum and ready to explode by the looks of it.

He pulled his fingers almost all the way out and removed his hand from Cas' dick with the exception of one finger sliding against the slit. Cas' body was pulled tight and firm, an endless plane of hard, flickering muscles, every one of them straining and desperate and Dean decided to let him have it. His hand closing around in a tight, slow grind down over Cas' shaft, while his two fingers spread wide and plunged inside hard but slow.

Cas' hand slipped from the shower wall and he fell forward, yelling incoherent words and shaking as he came hard. The light in the bathroom exploded as Cas came in quick jerks, littering the shower wall with white creamy strands of come.

Dean rode him out, his movements getting slower and lighter as Cas' orgasm settled and without warning he crashed backwards onto Dean's chest and Dean had to scramble to move his hands and arms, and wrap them around Cas' body so the angel wouldn't fall into a heap in the tub.

"Feel good?" Dean asked, kissing Cas' neck low, the angel's head fallen off to the side. Cas mumbled a moan as a response and Dean laughed at his incoherence. It was exactly the reaction he'd been hoping for.

Dean continued to lay open-mouthed kisses over the wet flushed skin at the base of his neck, up the side and right behind his ear.

"I love you." He whispered so low there was barely any sound at all. It was more just the movement of his lips but he felt Cas shiver and the angel's chest paused mid-breath.

He turned around in Dean's arms, now fully lucid, and grabbed the sides of Dean's face and stared at him.

There were tears in Cas' eyes and it pulled tight at something inside of him. Pain and tension spread through his chest at the shock and passion on Cas' features. It looked more than anything as though Dean had just given Cas the most amazing, unexpected Christmas gift.

Normal people, especially men, were visibly uncomfortable when they cried – Dean included – but Cas let a couple tears drop down over his cheeks and his expression was one of ease and unbridled happiness. It was the sort of thing you're brain never forgot – a sight like that. So pure and intense. The meaning behind it so profound that it would stick with you until the day you died.

Cas pulled them together and kissed Dean slow, his movements smooth like liquid as he licked into Dean's mouth.

Unfortunately, the water turned cold and Cas pulled away, then returned for a quick brush of lips, then another. Until finally, the water was impossible to ignore as it became bracingly frigid.

Dean sighed heavy, not wanting to leave this moment. Terrified that moving away, even an inch, would crush it into oblivion and it would be lost to him.

He stood still as Cas moved around him to get out of the shower. Dean was frozen in a stare, his mind whirling in thoughts and memories. Cas slid a damp hand into his wet one and pulled, tearing him away from his reverie and he turned to see Cas holding a towel around his hips watching Dean in a deep curiosity – looking right down into him. Reading him and every feeling he had. Dean was a raw wound, open and waiting to bleed out. Cas would be the death of him, he knew it right then and there. The love went too deep for him and it would wreck him. They'd both fall in the end.

Cas managed to pull him over the edge of the tub and Dean stood sedately on the scruffy blue bath mat while Cas rubbed a warm white towel over him – deciding to ignore Dean's sudden apathy.

Cas wrapped the towel around his lower body and tucked the corner near his right hip. The angel pushed his fingers into the front of the towel, his nails scraping into the denser hair near his groin. Cas pulled forward and Dean stumbled after him, Cas walking backwards through the door and over to the bed.

Cas pulled the rumpled cover down and noticed a smudge of wetness from where he'd pulled out and Cas removed his own towel and laid it over the soiled spot.

Cas came back to him, Dean watched with vacant detachment letting Cas lead him into bed, pulling off the towel and tossing it somewhere. The blankets came up over him and all he could smell was sweat and sex, a thick aromatic mix of the salty and the sweet.

Cas crawled in beside him on the far side of the bed and settled on his side, looking at Dean. Cas' right hand came up to brush the side of his cheek, threading long fingers into his hair.

Dean shuffled closer, the movement making Cas' eyes widen slightly, as though Dean were coming back to life, and in some ways he was.

He stopped with their faces pressed together and stared into those infinite blue eyes.

"I'll lose you." He whispered in a scared, childish voice. Cas' eyes fell closed and his mouth pinched in pain as he took in the sight of Dean falling apart.

"Then I will find you." Cas answered, kissing him as he ended the sentence and Dean breathed a sigh of relief at the touch. Warmth flooded through him, and Cas' touch continued to ground him.

"I'm sorry I'm freaking out." Dean said pulling away but sliding his hands up and down Cas' damp naked body under the covers.

"Don't be sorry, this is all going so much better than I would have ever dared to hope." Cas reached around him to bring their bodies flush and the warmth of it dampened his skin and Dean pushed their faces together, not in a kiss, but more of a nuzzle of faces in a pathetic attempt to have as much of their skin touching as possible.

After twenty minutes of active, intense cuddling and light tongues and kisses, Dean told Cas to turn around.

Cas gave Dean an apprehensive squint but indulged him.

Dean pressed himself tight against Cas' back, pushing his right arm under Cas' neck like a pillow, and bringing his other hand down to handle himself into a comfortable position – which just happened to be with his dick pushed down nicely between Cas' ass cheeks. He smiled against Cas' back. He wasn't even hard anymore, it just felt so good. He was bizarrely reminded that he'd never actually finished in the shower and he didn't even care.

Dean slid his top leg between Cas'; their knees bumping together. Then he wrapped his free arm around Cas middle, bringing his hand up to place it over Cas' heart. A hand settled on his, their fingers twisting together.

Now perfectly settled, Dean remembered the light was still on and he tensed as he was about to turn over and smash it into next week when it shut off all by itself. Or well, with angel assistance.

"Thanks." Dean breathed into Cas' hair and it moved and tickled his mouth but he pressed down and kissed the crown of his head.

The darkness made the quiet seem even more quiet and the warmth of Cas' skin against him was a touch he'd never realized he needed so bad.

Dean fall asleep in a peaceful slide into unconsciousness.

/\

When Sam got back late that night from having taken hours to track down all three witnesses around town, he was surprised that the first thing he saw was Dean's naked back facing him.

Dean never slept without a shirt, or at least, very, _very_ rarely.

The second thing Sam noticed was the smell of the motel room. It was heavy with the smell of sex. Having shared many rooms with Dean, Sam was disgustingly familiar with the scent.

He stared at Dean sleeping and shock spread into his features, his eyes squinting into the darkness because he honestly could not remember the last time Dean had gotten laid. Or even wanted to.

Sam tiptoed across the room, suspicion creeping into his limbs with every breath and every step he took; feeling discarded rumples of clothes every now and then. He was terrified of stepping on a button or an upturned belt and getting jabbed in the foot.

As he got to the end of his own bed, he first saw the swath of black below Dean's face. Okay, thought Sam.

Someone was definitely _still_ here. That was unexpected.

Sam crept forward, trying not to bump into anything in the process and when he finally stopped staring at his feet he brought his head up, now at the end of the far corner of Dean's bed, and the gasp that almost ran out in a blur out of his mouth was slammed back in with both his hands.

His eyes were shot so wide, it strained his eyelid muscles.

**_Cas!_**_ Holy Shit!_

Angel of fucking Thursday, naked shoulders and arms visible at the top of the blanket, was nestled in a curve against Dean's chest. They both looked calm in sleep, all tangled together and the bumps in the sheets told him that Dean had draped a leg over the top of Cas' lower half.

Sam had, never in his life, seen Dean wrapped around someone like that, it made his heart tense up seeing his brother like that.

Sam stared at the two far longer than he should have, but the sight made him happy in a peculiar way. It was like that old movie, the one where an elderly man has no family left and he stands outside a large two-storey home on Christmas Eve and watches with delight at the parents and kids inside. Enjoying it for himself, wishing for the days when he had shared in a similar joy.

Sam felt that same mixture of longing and pain that was sloughed off and smoothed by the image of two people he cared about tangled together in a single bed.

He blinked and turned away after what seemed to be a very long time, and made his way in the dark to his own bed. He settled down into it, as quiet as possible, and wondered how their lives would change.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you like the sex and love. It always makes me feel better when I get down :). Would love a review, if you've got time? Thanks.**


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